knee deep in weeds

a personal photo journal

Let it Come

“Let it come, as it will, and don't
be afraid. God does not leave us
comfortless, so let evening come. "
― Jane Kenyon, Let Evening Come

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the week is divided into two parts; the harsh reality of sameness,
and the yielding awareness of pure bliss.
each play their own role within my days.
 

“The soul's bliss and suffering are bound together.” 
― Jane Kenyon

the week is divided between weeds, 
and wild beauty, both created by nature.
don't ask me to choose one over the other, 
for i could not, as both find their way
deep into my soul, where they create peace.

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we celebrate Jordan's birthday, a few weeks late,
we laugh so hard, we all comment on it the next day.
my heart is tender, as i wonder how it is i am so blessed.
i make note to hold on to that tenderness,
embraceing it and knowing it is okay.

"Be a good steward of your gifts. Protect your time. Feed your inner life. Avoid too much noise. Read good books, have good sentences in your ears. Be by yourself as often as you can. Walk. Take the phone off the hook. Work regular hours."
- Jane Kenyon 

have a beautiful weekend. . .  
xooox

summer's last stand

“Thanks for this day, for all birds safe in their nests, for whatever this is, for life.” 
― Barbara Kingsolver, Prodigal Summer


the best of summer; what kept me going, and
what depleted me. it is a give and take, life is;  
a balancing act of goodness and gratitude, 
doubts, and judgement. the key is to just notice, 
and do your best to pay attention. 
 

have a beautiful weekend, 
xooox

Lighten Up

“Maybe the most important teaching is to lighten up and relax. It’s such a huge help in working with our crazy mixed-up minds to remember that what we’re doing is unlocking a softness that is in us and letting it spread. We’re letting it blur the sharp corners of self-criticism and complaint.” 
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For Difficult Times

the week is a lesson in living, i don't sleep,
eat poorly, and am way off balance. i try hard to shake the sorrow,
which envelopes me, as i follow through with some normalcy; i take my camera out,
go to the gym, and play with the dog. but life in general
is unsettling and a dullness settles in around me. 

by weeks end, i am depleted. i text a close friend
to cancel a phone date, but she is wise, nudging me, in her respectful way,
to follow through, but also giving me free rein to do what i feel is best.
my trust in her is deep, and i agree. she listens hard and with true attentiveness, 
and i soon feel my heart slow, by breath deepen and my body relax. . . 
it is the art of listening i think, being heard and valued
that is so important. it is the acknowledgment
that life is a process, that we change and along with that change
what we need out of life changes. 

later, as i digest our conversation, 
i make a list of words that i feel describe being alive: 
awake, persistent, breathing, viable, conscious, mindful,
and work. . .  
the words muddle around in my head, just out of reach, for i am not
sure how to make them a reality.

i see that within the blue sky and heat of summer, i have let things go,
things that were working. i relied on a new puppy, my gardens, and flowers in every room
to be enough. but it wasn't. i felt trapped within my own surroundings
and i was the one who locked the door.
i wanted to take flight, but instead stayed tied down, locked up tight, 
envisioning restrictions that were only my dreamt-up truths. 

i see that today i often battle the old me, with her set of needs and wants, 
with the now me, whose requirements for living fully
are different. i am not sure how to ask for what i need,
because how can i ask for something i can't quite put my finger on. 
so i start a new practice of asking myself;
"what is it you need right now?" then, pausing a bit to see what surfaces. 
and if it seems appropriate i also ask;  "is this your assumed truth, or the factual truth?"
it is a start, i think. 

“Awakeness is found in our pleasure and our pain, our confusion and our wisdom, available in each moment of our weird, unfathomable, ordinary everyday lives.”

— Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For Difficult Times

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” 
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For Difficult Times

how was your week? 
xooox