knee deep in weeds

notes on living a life


"You must never feel badly about making mistakes ... as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons." 
~ Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth 

I misspelled Alzheimer's in yesterday's post. He sent me a text, but I had left my phone in the car and did not see  it. Later he called and by then, many hours had passed and many of you had read it. I thanked him (he is my proof-reader and does it with love) but I was short with him. And it just about did me in. 

The day had been uneventful, but full of expectations which never panned out and I was upset with myself. It seemed the only thing I had really done worth noting, was walk the dog along the pond with my camera. There I had taken my time, I had noticed, I had paid attention and I came home feeling better. Then he called and I was short with him. And I wondered if I had any business being out here for others to read. Who was I kidding I thought. 

"Expectations is the place you must always go to before you get to where you're going." 
~ Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth 

I was in the fourth grade, in Mrs. Barrett's room, when I bought home the "D" in spelling. I worked hard at memorizing all those rules, but I could not seem to put them into practice. And later in college, when I majored in Reading, I still couldn't. I knew the rules, I could teach them, and today if I stop and think about them I can sometimes work my way though how to spell a word. But it is work and does not come natural to me at all.  And proof reading, LOL. You could put a page of misused and misspelled words in front of me and I would be hard pressed to find the mistakes. 

When I taught school I told the kids flat out I could not spell, and writing on the overhead was a nightmare for me, especially if there was another adult in the room. But it seemed I always had that one student who could spell anything and who was so happy to help out the teacher. I like to think it gave him or her (and I can tell you that it was almost always a him) lots of confidence, which maybe carried over through the years.  And I have learned clever ways to maneuver around my disability over the years. And thank God for spell check. 


Anyway, I fretted and fretted about this all evening; mostly I think because it was that particular word; that disease which stole so much of my father from us. It was disrespectful and ungracious and it caused havoc inside my head and my heart. I sat last evening, at the computer with this blog open, thinking how I might change the layout, move things around, turn it into my photo sharing blog. One with very few words. I had some ideas. 

"We never choose which words to use, for as long as they mean what they mean to mean, we don’t care if they make sense or nonsense." 
~ Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth 

And then I came here this morning to work on some of those ideas and had a change of heart. I am not a professional. I am not looking to get published or noticed. I am a 60 year old woman who loves to write and take photos. Mostly because I find the world so amazing and I want so badly to pay attention to the beauty around me and to document it. And for some reason the pull to be here is strong and until that pull dies down some, I know I would feel a bit lost and as if I abandoned something inside of me if I stopped. 

"I know one thing for certain; it is much harder to tell whether you are lost than whether you were lost, for, on many occasions, where you are going is exactly where you are. On the other hand, if you often find that where you've been is not at all where you should have gone, and, since it's much more difficult to find your way back from someplace you've never left, I suggest you go there immediately and then decide." 
~ Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth 

And so, here I am right back where I was yesterday morning, before what I will now call the big blooper. And while I am not going to make apologies for the misused/misspelled words you will find sprinkled throughout the posts on this blog, I am sorry about yesterday's, for so many reasons. 

But it helped me understand what this space is all about. Why I do it, and the pull it has on me. And that is a good thing. It helped me to define my purpose here, my goal, my mission so to speak. It helped tidy my mind set. 

It is first of all for me. It is proof of a journey, of going from one place to the next and everything that is in-between. It is life. My simple life. 

"The most important reason for going from one place to another is to see what's in between." 
~ Norton Juster 

thank you so much for understanding,