“Like all magnificent things, it's very simple.”
~ Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting
I wonder at times how my life became so quiet. Because when I look back on most of it, I remember anticipating just going grocery shopping, so I could be alone. I kick around often the idea of maybe volunteering, or taking up a hobby that would require me to leave the house and interact with others. I question myself: is it wrong to be alone as much as I am and be okay with it?
I speculate and ask myself if I am cutting my life short by not being more social. You hear the stories of those active seniors and how they live longer. But then you also hear about the others, who lived a quiet and long life. I think the key is gratitude and noticing the moments as gifts. I think the key is reflection and curiosity and joy. Where and how you find it is not really what matters.
Yesterday I spent three hours in the backyard pulling blackberries. I worked until I was so tired I just dropped my gloves and walked away. They will be there tomorrow I thought.
I cleaned myself up, ate lunch and fixed myself a gin and tonic (something I have never, ever done before) and drank it on the deck with a book in my lap. Right in the middle of the day. All by myself. I savored the small drink, which I drank from a small jelly jar and then came inside, did the dishes and walked the dog.
We walk this route almost every day. We both know it so well and while there are changes they are subtle and I don't always notice. But every so often I tell him that I am going to look for five new things and make note of them and that he is to look for five new smells. I think we both overdid ourselves.
I worry sometimes how content I am to be at home, but I don't agonize over it. I think about how I should go out, maybe do some shopping, or take that class. And then I understand that most of what I need is right here and that is okay.
Our summer is filling up fast with trips, get-togethers and excursions. The next one coming up next weekend when we celebrate our 39th anniversary. Holy smokes, how did that happen? ! So I am gong to relish in my alone time for right now without guilt or questions.
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
~ Ellen Burstyn
what did you notice today?
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