home || week 18

"The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines." 
— Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith

boundaries, art, creativity, retirement, frustration, disbelief, faith, the wilderness, pain, change, coping, self-care, hope, reality, kindness, grace, empathy, being heard, not judging, truth as i know it, the dog, my marriage, grief, beauty, service, quiet, questioning, understand as i know it, listening, safety, normal, light, darkness, fear, worry, contentment, seeing . . . 

“If you have a body, you are entitled to the full range of feelings. It comes with the package.” 
― Anne Lamott, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith

the week is full of rambling thoughts, doubts and grief
and it beats me up at times with its tight embrace
my mind won't stop and i can't sleep . . . 
i ponder change, real change and dream a bit and make plans with him,
but also alone . . .  
 

“I have a lot of faith. But I am also afraid a lot, and have no real certainty about anything. I remembered something Father Tom had told me--that the opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.” 
― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

i dive head first into too many things, looking for relief and answers
expecting too much from others and myself
resenting every step; neglecting moments of beauty and oppurtunites to grow

“Expectations are resentments under construction.” 
― Anne Lamott

i wallow for a couple of days. . .  

“Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don't drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor's yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper.” 
― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

and then i listen to my heart and find my voice
and it is a bit too loud, maybe a bit too harsh at first
but it is there and i use it, 
it scares me a bit, but it also feels good
and i understand that this is what practice is all about

“I'm all over the place, up and down, scattered, withdrawing, trying to find some elusive sense of serenity."
The world can't give that serenity. The world can't give us peace. We can only find it in our hearts."
I hate that."
I know. But the good news is that by the same token, the world can't take it away.” 
― Anne Lamott

and while it might backfire,
might push me to act in a manner that is so damn scary,
i know those words, spoken true and from my heart
are brave and needed and mine . . . 
and whatever the outcome, i will be okay

“No" is a complete sentence.” 
― Anne Lamott

three things ::
i signed up for a this class
twice this week i forgot to hit publish for my daily photo
i picked the first rose from the garden

19/52 

You should shine with all of your light all the time." 

— Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain

“But you can’t get to any of these truths by sitting in a field smiling beatifically, avoiding your anger and damage and grief. Your anger and damage and grief are the way to the truth. We don’t have much truth to express unless we have gone into those rooms and closets and woods and abysses that we were told not go in to. When we have gone in and looked around for a long while, just breathing and finally taking it in – then we will be able to speak in our own voice and to stay in the present moment. And that moment is home.” 
― Anne Lamott

how was your week? 
xoxox