knee deep in weeds

notes on living a life

porch life || weeks 28 & 29

“I want to lay up like that, to float unstructured, without ambition or anxiety. I want to inhabit my life like a porch.” 
― Rebecca Wells, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

the weeks are full of renewal and home
i head to Idaho for five full days with her, 
the smell of wood greets us as we open the cabin door
and i feel myself start to unwind as i place my things
in "my" bedroom. . .  

“... a full moon shimmered over central Louisiana. This was no rinky-dink moon. This was a moon you had to curtsy to. A big, heavy, mysterious, beautiful, bossy moon. The kind you want to serve things to on a silver platter.” 
― Rebecca Wells, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

she accommodates my every request, 
seeking out roads and access to the beauty of Northing Idaho,
willing to stop and back up or even turn around so i can try and get what i see in my heart,
onto my viewfinder, and into my camera.
we laugh and make up stories about what we will tell the farmer
when he rides out to bust us for trespassing. 

“Life is short, but it is wide. Genevieve Whitman taught me that.” 
― Rebecca Wells, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

we pack a lunch and head out in her boat one day, 
we laugh when she opens up the motor and we go fast, 
45 mph, and feel proud of these two woman in the sixties, still going strong!
we both talk about our parents, pondering the fact that we both spent our summers
on wide, open beautiful lakes in Norther Idaho, just miles apart.
lakes where we learned to swim, clean fish, paddle canoes and drive boats
f a s t . . .  
i jump off the back of the boat and swim,
the cold water feeds my soul.
she takes videos on her phone to send to her granddaughters,
commentating my every move! 
and at that moment i love my life beyond words, 
and i give thanks for this friendship that is still going strong after 35 years.

“It’s life. You don’t figure it out. You just climb up on the beast and ride.” 
― Rebecca Wells, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

we drive up the shadowy St Joe and the beauty of it renders me speechless
as memories flood every part of me. i think of the hours i spent on this river as a girl
watching my dad fly fish, paddling a canoe, tents, sleeping bags and campfires. 
i cry a bit as i sit with the memories, knowing i don't have to explain myself,
she gets it. . .  
we try to have lunch in a tiny cove where she fished for bass with her dad, but two men
have claimed the spot and we don't want to disturb them
so we idle downstream a bit where she hands me half a sandwich and we eat.
and we both comment on how good it is, everything is better on the water i think
e v e r y t h i n g . . .  

three things:: 
i learn once again that saying yes to life is good
i see that i often make things too complicated
i reread this, after reading it in my thirties, and see it in a whole new light this go around

They pulled ideas from their hearts and minds about the things that gave them pleasure, and they laid out an offering with loving intent. 
- Elizabeth Berg, The Pull of the Moon

knowing i will be back in a few weeks makes it easier to pack up and leave.
i suddenly realize i am missing him and the dog and wonder what is blooming in the yard,
wonder if he picked all the raspberries, wonder if there are a few tomatoes. 

the dog and i arrive home to new flowers blooming, a few raspberries, 
new books from the library, pond walks and quiet, 
back to our routines, the goodness of our life fills me with gratitudes and joy. 

“I used to make a basket of my hands to hold a feeling of joy that came upon me, then flatten my hands against my chest as if to make it part of me. Not understanding that it already was.” 
― Elizabeth Berg

30/52:: read the one with the dog on the cover first, he says.
i tell him the dog is probably going to die, they always do when they are on the cover,
but yes, i will start it right now, if you promises to snuggle with me through the hard parts

“The very best thing about dogs is how they just know when you need them most, and they’ll drop everything that they’re doing to sit with you awhile." 
― Steven Rowley, Lily and the Octopus

29/52 :: love  

“Oh just wait. It takes a lot of time, that's all...You'll have come to a certain kind of appreciation that moves beyond all the definitions of love you've ever had. A certain richness happens only later in life. I guess its' a kind of mellowing." 
~ Elizabeth Berg, The Pull of the Moon

how was your last couple of weeks?