“It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools:
the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up
I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools - friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said
'do the best you can with these, they will have to do'. And mostly, against all odds, they do.”
― Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith
The holiday hangover clears and I welcome calm ordinary days. We find ourselves with luxurious time on our hands and a broken septic system. Days are made up of saving water, as to not fill the tank again before the line is fixed. This involves trips to the gym for workouts and showers and excursions to the laundromat. We are on the schedule for a fix sometime in the next couple of weeks. The repair is minor and I am thankful.
The dog and i walk the lake one day, as he cuts the concert of our old patio to allow access to the pipes. Bad designing, some 65 years ago, I think. Concert dust settles everywhere and the dog tracks it inside that night, up onto the bed, as we snuggle in to sleep. He helps me clean it all up the next day. He vacuums the outside, while I do the inside and all is well. We do this without anger or frustration or resentment. It is just ordinary life, not life threatening or anyones fault and the fix is easily attainable.
The weather is glorious for a few days and we make good on a promise to the dog and take him to the dog park. The park is full with other like-minded dog lovers. The dog runs and flirts, wags his tail and bays when other dogs get too rough with him or each other. He sleeps hard that night, running in his sleep. I snap this with my phone and love it, because this pup is such a huge part of our lives and his smile brings me joy.
We head up north one day to meet with a realtor to look at a house. It is lovely, but too big and does not feel right. We both are a bit relieved because we truly are not ready mentally to make this move. We drop by the shop to see Brandon and meet the newleyweds for dumplings and a beer before heading home to our own bed to sleep.
I clean out my desk drawers one afternoon and read old journal entries. I clearly recognize how much pain and anger and fear I have let go of over the past few years and grasp just how far I have come. I feel myself relax into simplicity and clarity and feel a love for myself that I have not felt for a very long time.
how was your week?