knee deep in weeds

notes on living a life

turning my head

"I am a big advocate for the pursuit of curiosity. You've maybe heard me talk about this before? We are constantly being told to pursue our passions in life, but there are times when passion is a TALL ORDER, and really hard to reach. In seasons of confusion, of loss, of boredom, of insecurity, of distraction, the idea of "passion" can feel completely inaccessible and impossible. In such times, you are lucky to be able to get your laundry done (that sometimes feels as high as you can aim) and when someone tells you to follow your passion, you want to give them the middle finger. (Go ahead and do it, by the way. But wait till their back is turned, out of civility.)"

"But curiosity, I have found, is always within reach."

~ Elizabeth Gilbert 

if it were not for the weather, i fear the week would
have eaten me up. i find solace in long walks with
my camera as he and the dog wandered aimlessly ahead of me. 
i bake bread, listen to this podcast and start a new book

Beware a calm surface—you never know what lies beneath.
— Paula Hawkins, Into the Water

we wake to blue sky and crisp cold air almost every day. 
i fill the feeders and watch the birds eagerly forage
and the squirrels scamper and play. i spot two cats
in the yard, mocking Basil by just sitting there and watching him,
as he runs amok in the yard, nose to the ground following
their scent. his baying fills the air and pleases me because i
know in his mind he is on to something grand. 

She had an immense curiosity about life, and was constantly staring and wondering.
— Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady

we walk the lake one day, Mount Rainer in full bloom
and i watch the ducks and think about how he use to say to me. . .  
"are you happy now that all your ducks are in their pond?" 
"yes . . . i would answer. "  but today things are different and one day
worry takes over and i crash and burn and go to bed early. 
but the sun rises the next day and i find peace. 

i think about next year and what it might bring. 
knowing i have little controle over most of it, but wondering. . . 
what am i open too? what am i curious about? 
and right there i pick my word. . .  


1. eager to know or learn something.
”she imagined what her life might be like if she followed through with everything she was curious about.
Passion can seem intimidatingly out of reach at times - a distant tower of flame, accessible only to geniuses and to those who are specially touched by God. But curiosity is a milder, quieter, more welcoming, and more democratic entity. The stakes of curiosity are also far lower than the stakes of passion. [...] Curiosity only ever asks one simple question: “Is there anything you’re interested in?” Anything? Even a tiny bit? No matter how mundane or small? The answer need not set your life on fire, or make you quit your job [...]; it just has to capture your attention for a moment. But in that moment, if you can pause and identify even one tiny speck of interest in something, then curiosity will ask you to turn your head a quarter of an inch and look at the thing a wee bit closer. Do it. It’s a clue. It might seem like nothing, but it’s a clue. Follow that clue. Trust it. See where curiosity will lead you next.
— Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

how was your week?