knee deep in weeds

notes on a simple life

Barriers

“There is no ‘right’ way to make art. The only wrong is in not trying, not doing. Don’t put barriers up that aren’t there — just get to work and make something.” — Lisa Golightly

I spend hours rethinking this space. I muck around with templets and new designs, getting frustrated with myself because I can’t get it to look how I envision it in my head. I peruse the web, looking for examples of other blogs that catch my eye and finally, come up with a new look; one that feels right for bringing in a new year, and fine tuning a practice that has gone haywire.

I ask myself; what is purpose of this space? Is it a writer’s blog or photographer’s blog? A little bit of both, I think right now. And, while the writing is something I enjoy, taking the photos is a necessity for me. So I spend some time working on how to channel back some of my confidence, because at some point durning the year, I lost my way. Doubt crept in and I started to compare myself with everyone. My head was full of uncertainty and soft whispers; you need a new camera, you should buy a new lens, maybe you should go back to film, or at least learn Photoshop. Maybe it is time to just put your camera down. And I kind of did. The last few months I have hardly taken a photo worth saving.

I am pretty sure this is a case of all around creativity block, because it hit many aspects of my life. I stopped cooking, let go of the garden before it was done (there are still beets out there). I even stopped walking the dog, So many of the things, that had once sparked curiosity and passion in me, lost purpose and meaning, and I found myself putting up roadblocks for no apparent reason at all.

But I over the last few weeks I have turned a corner and a light clicked on deep inside of me. I suddenly saw my life as my very own. I don’t know why this happened, but I can tell you, it really is a lovely feeling. I understand life is messy, but I also see that my jumping in the eye of every storm that arises around me, only builds resentment and heartache and does nobody any good at all. An awake life is full of pain and suffering but also full of light and hope. My light was ignited for some reason, and I am not going to waste it.

I have a few new photo projects planned for the new year, and a hope that some will just evolve,
if I only trust myself. I feel inspired and excited to take on the new year. But those beets, they will
probably stay in the garden, because I have places to explore and photos to take.

i wish you light, friendship, peace and love in 2019,
xoox, cathy


The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ― Sylvia Plath