knee deep in weeds

notes on living a life

saturday || week 4

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you. 
~  Mary Tyler Moore

the week is full of so many emotions. i find myself sitting
quietly, seeking how i truly feel about the issues
vibrating through our county right now. i step forward, 
within my frame of mind, only to have someone i respect
cause me to question my basic convictions and thoughts. 
i come to understand that i often am in nomad's land, 
able to see and respect different sides of the issues, 
without any clear stand of my own. 

The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion. 
~ Molly Ivins


in the course of each day i feel: hopeless, angry, 
frustrated, powerless, skeptical, tearful, distrustful and disappointment. 
i am not on either side with both feet planted firmly, 
so i sink into the muck of agitation and befuddlement. 
and am irritated with myself for not having a clear stand,
so i turn to kindness; towards myself and others. 

I think the associations people have with kindness are often things like meekness and sweetness and maybe sickly sweetness; whereas I do think of kindness as a force, as a power. 
~ Sharon Salzberg


i use my body; i walk and go to the gym every day. 
i take a new restoration yoga class, a whole hour with my breath, listening
to the instructor's soft voice guiding me to connection. . .  
i pray, i love, i open doors and offer to take back
shopping carts, i step back from social media,
i pick up my camera and laugh with him and snuggle with
the dog. i quiet things down so i can hear myself think. 

Each of us has an inner room where we can visit to be cleansed of fear-based thoughts and feelings. This room, the holy of holies, is a sanctuary of light.
~ Marianne Williamson

i wonder if it is okay to be a bit passive in my voice? to change my mind
because my views shift and change as i grow and change. 
what was right for me in my thirties, does not always feel like it fits now. 
i worry people will not approve, or will turn their backs on me, 
or worse yet, think i am a "cause", needing to be fixed.
and yet, among all the back and forth bitterness i can't always
come face to face with a clear stance or view, i am able to see
all sides. i understand it is not the the different views,
but rather the name calling and bickering that is causing me sadness. 

i wonder when respect and manners became uncool?
when mockery and lack of respect became the norm, along with presumptions.
and when did the f-word became THE best word for everything? 
but most of all i grieve the loss of kindness. . .  

yes, we have work to do, no matter what side you are on,
but it will take time. 
let's be kind to each other in the process. . .  

Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. ~John F. Kennedy