knee deep in weeds

notes on a simple life

listening || week 50

“Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element.” 
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

i think about why i come here every day to this space.
dinner comes and goes, we do the dishes and he heads to his chair
to work a sudoko puzzle or maybe watch a game on tv, 
and i come here. here, where i post a photo and few words
to mark my day. on friday, i bring my week to a close and write more words, 
only to start the process all over again on saturday. 

“Right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment.” 
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

i reveal tiny bits of myself, morsels and fragments that divulge just enough so i know what is going on, 
but others are not really sure. i try not to think about who might read these words or
what conclusions they might draw from them. but, i also can't help but wonder
what they might take away. . .  if anything. 

“Everything seems simple until you think about it.” 
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

coming here is a selfish act; a place where i tend and nurture myself.
it is cheaper than therapy and it brings me joy. 
it allows me to be creative and deliberate and self-involved. 
and this year especially, i have cultivated growth and forgiveness,
respect and kindness and an abundance of love.
most of which i have directed towards myself.  
did you hear me whoop?

“Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert

three things :: 
his thoughts on the "Christmas Season"
i want to make these 
i watched their Christmas special and thought it was kinda goofy, but boy can they sing. . . 

"And the idea is that God is not simply to be found in our prayer life, which is very important, or in worship services and Mass or in reading the Bible. All those are important and at the center of that kind of spirituality. But in your daily life, in your relationships, in your work, in the emotions that come up, in those moments that you see a sunset and you say, “My gosh that’s so beautiful. Why am I feeling like this?”  
~ James Martin, On Being

last year, my one word was listen and when i picked it, i had good intentions of applying
it to others; listening with my whole being, making sure i was present without judgement,
and trying hard not to put my story into what others were saying.
but something happened and those good intentions went south at some point.
i paused, i learned to breath and to be still. i started asking
myself how i really felt about this or that, and instead of listening to others
i started listening to myself. trust was established and soon
i began to hear rumblings of my truths. 
i learned the words: let me think about it,
no, that won't work for me and, i have changed my mind. and i use them. 
in the process my world has not come tumbling down. i still have friends and my family
still loves me. yes, hard things still happen; pain is a reality as is confusion, 
but amongst the upheaval i manage to find joy every day in the most
unlikely places. i sit with that joy and breath, taking time to linger in it
and write about it and what follows is fruitful and gratifying. 

“Sometimes you've got to be able to listen to yourself and be okay with no one else understanding.” 
― Christopher Barzak, One for Sorrow
“May I meet this moment fully. May I meet it as a friend.” 
― Sylvia Boorstein, Happiness Is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life

do you pick a word for the year?
if so i would love to hear about it. . .