four blocks from home
"Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one”
― Stella Adler
The weather plays with us. Snowflakes one day, followed by pouring down rain and then sun, all of it encompassed with bitter cold. The cycle is on repeat. I consider cutting back the roses and then think better of it, who would want that harsh cold running deep inside an open wound. Their scrumtouis blooms will thank me come summer.
"When God was making the months I think February was a mistake, like a burp. There it was, small, dark, and prickly. It had absolutely no redeeming qualities."
- Shannon Wiersbitzku, What Flowers Remember
I take advantage of this down time to overthink things and end up anxious and fired up inside. Questions like why and how brew deep, causing me to lash out at others and sleep fitfully.
Calm and creativity flow when I slow down and see it, understand it, and finally am brave enough to use it. I clean my office, spend time going though photo files looking for patterns and meaning and start reworking some folder. I re-read an old article about artist statements from a class taken a few years back and embrace my style (or at least try and find it). I give some hard thought to authenticity, passion, and art and what role my camera and my words play into it.
I come so close to enrolling in David duChemin's new class and then think better of it. My passport is out of date and I find most of my inspiration four blocks from home. Fine tuning what makes my heart flutter is what is needed. I write it out and find some clarity.
“Anyhow, the older I get, the less impressed I become with originality. These days, I’m far more moved by authenticity. Attempts at originality can often feel forced and precious, but authenticity has quiet resonance that never fails to stir me.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
Between the winter skeletons and the promise of spring I understand how tender and heart-stirring life is. And for the girl who has always worn her heart on her sleeve, it is no wonder I often find life hurts. I am moved deeply by the tiniest details. My heart cracks wide open with both joy and sadness, leaving fragments unsettled and discombobulated. Over time some heal, and others form scars. And, I am okay with that.
“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
what fills your heart?