loved || week 42

“For me, everything's too much and nothing's enough.” 
― Mary Karr, Lit

the week is full of rain, everyday normal and subtle revelations.
i ponder the idea of what next? coupled with self induced
restrictions. same story, new story line.
i listen to this, twice. i laugh and say yes, over and over in my head;
and this line . . .
 “What is your source of information?” And 99 percent of the time it was, “I thought it up.”
strikes such a chord inside of my being that i decide to make a few small adjustments,
try it out, i tell myself, because what have i got to lose? 

“Faith is not a feeling, she says. It's a set of actions. By taking the actions, you demonstrate more faith than somebody who actually has experienced the rewards of prayer and so feels hope.” 
― Mary Karr

i wake on sunday, with that familiar rooted darkness
trying to take hold deep inside me. i refuse to let it grow and
tell him i am off to the beach for a bit. i am pleased he decides
to come with me. however the trip is for me and i turn the dog
over to him and wander the beach with my camera and before long
i feel the salt water doing its thing.  
i come home replenished and fortified. 

“The fact that we experience anxiety and annoyance is the certain sign that, in the unconscious, there is an emotional program for happiness that has just been frustrated.” 
― Thomas Keating, The Human Condition: Contemplation and Transformation

i spend time purging the kitchen (yet again) while he drills holes in the wall
for wires criss-crossing his office. i poke my head outside one day
to find him cutting back one of the flower beds, aware that
i told him the day before the job overwhelmed me so. i join him and the fresh air,
along with him by my side, makes the job gratifying in so many ways. 
he tackles another bed, alone, one night while i fix dinner. 
his awareness and kindness towards me,
astonishes me at times and i see so clearly that he hears and sees me
and is paying attention. i learn from him and work hard to do the same. 

“Who would have thought at this time in our lives that we’d still have something like this. That it turns out we’re not finished with changes and excitements. And not all dried up in body and spirit.” 
― Kent Haruf, Our Souls at Night

three things ::
• i have her playing a lot lately on spotify
this is the best book i have read in awhile
• roasted sage leaves are amazing

“Literature makes us better noticers of life; we get to practice on life itself; which in turn makes us better readers of detail in literature; which in turn makes us better readers of life.” 
― Mary Karr, The Art of Memoir

i find the simpler my life is the more abundant it is.
i see life gently nudging me to give way to what i find is truly important.
i practice over and over a few simple actions:
i pray aloud, i take a few minutes to empty my mind, i get outside, 
i practice kindness and i love with a full heart. 

“You are loved, someone said. Take that and eat it.” 
― Mary Karr
“I do love this physical world. I love this physical life with you. And the air and the country. The backyard, the gravel in the back alley. The grass. The cool nights. Lying in bed talking with you in the dark.” 
― Kent Haruf, Our Souls at Night

how was your week? 
xoxox