“Practice listening to your intuition, your inner voice; ask questions; be curious; see what you see; hear what you hear; and then act upon what you know to be true. These intuitive powers were given to your soul at birth.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype
Over the past seven years I have had four different blogs, three of which live out in the cyber world where no-one can see them but me. When I visit them, for some reason most of the photos are gone and I wonder what it was I was writing about and speculate what secrets the photos might have held.
I rise most days with thoughts of this space in my head. I think about how much I have reviled about my life, or maybe how I struggled with a particular post. Lately, I find I feel an obligation that goes beyond what I want to give, and I have grown restless. It seems it is easier for me to write about pain, choosing metaphors about darkness while seeking light with my camera, than it is to write about joy.
But darkness does not overwhelm me as it did in the past several years, and so I am often at a loss for words. I sit, with the same photos taken each week, with nothing I need to say. It is frustrating and I don’t feel genuine or honest.
For seven years blogging has been a hobby. Something I did in stolen moments throughout of my day. Sneaking in while he and the dog slept in or while the dog napped and he was busy with his “stuff”. I have said this before; if I don’t take this seriously who will. So as I approach 65, I feel it is time to be deliberate, time to be relentless, and time to take this hobby seriously.
So what does serious look like? I am not sure, but what I do know is I want more. More time with my camera. More time to dip my toes in places that scare and challenge me. Time to go beyond my comfort zone and try some new things. If I am to take this to the next level then I have to treat it like the art it is and not just a hobby.
Some things won’t change. I will still shoot daily, but those photos will live on IG and Flickr now, and not here. And, you will still see a lot of Baker here because I never tire of shooting him. There will also be some self portrait work, and hopefully some new projects. I am open to where this all might lead me.
For now I will be shutting comments off, not because I don’t thrive on your kind words, but because I do. Those words influence me, and right now I want to listen to my own creative voice. Remember you can always send me an email, and I would love that.
Thank you for all the support you give me. Without it, I am not sure I would be taking this next step. I know for sure I would have folded way before I hit blog number four!