knee deep in weeds

a personal photo journal

A LOOK BACK

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”  ~ Brad Paisley 
 

day 17
the fog held thick all day
and a soft mist hung in the air
there were errands run in the morning
and later on the dog and i walked the yard
where he found his turtle and i poked around
later he watched out the window as more fog rolled in
and i read, both of us waiting for the guys to get home 
 

day 31::the last day of january
waking up on Bahama time
downloading 862 photos
a long walk with the dog
smoke curing up out of the neighbors chimney
a brief afternoon nap
cleaning and sorting my shells 
 

day 103
he scrambled his own eggs this morning
and it was one of those spring days
that was just about perfect 
 

day 222
brandon and i were up early
he headed out to fish 
and i read not he dock with my coffee
the water was like a sheet of ice
we made biscuits and gravy for breakfast
and spent the day on the dock swimming and in the kayaks
in the early evening the body headed to Chase Lake to fish
and everyone made their own pizza on the grill for dinner
perfection 
 

sunday 11:9
gratidues:: a short walk in the gentle rain, homemade soup on the stove in the afternoon, the first Christmas music filling the house and clean sheets. 
 

14799711237_19850f6328_k.jpg

day 595::the end
he walked right by it several times when we got home
not even giving it a glance
maybe the turtle game has run its course i thought
i know the 365 has
so today is my last post
will i do another on some other year
maybe....
but for right now i will focus on my boo
getting my camera out most days for sure
and walking right by it on others. 
 

In 2012 I started my first 365 and made it to about day 160. Then in 2013 I was determined to do it and my motivation was strong; I wanted to become more comfortable with my big girl camera. I had one rule, never use my phone and take one photo each day. I practiced in all kinds of light, shot at different times of the day and really worked on learning manual mode.  At first there were no words, just the day number. Then pretty soon I started writing about my shot. And I posted the photo every day on a blog and on flicker. And I never missed a day. 


I started out 2014 with a bit more intention. It was more about the day and documenting what went on, rather than the photo. But I told myself I was still only going to use my big girl camera, unless I got stuck. Looking back the photos are not as good, meaning they are not as well composed, you can tell they are sometimes hurried and are at times kind of random. I was more lazy about the photos but more intent on the journaling. I also tired different formats of journaling and different ways to keep track of the days (which is such a bugger!). Sometime I listed what went on during the day or listed my gratitudes, sometimes I wrote whole paragraphs about what I was thinking.  I also went though a period where I just used one sentence and the words are really a bit obscure. 

In August I was moving home and we were doing tons of "stuff" to get our home here ready for that move. I also was preparing myself to have my hip replaced in early September and everything just seemed so overwhelming so I decided to quit and I posted the photo above... day 595, which was really day 231 of 2014. But I couldn't stop.  I missed a few days and then was right back at it. It was such a habit and I felt a bit lost without it. I stopped documenting it on flickr and I started using my phone more and I had a cleaner understanding of what I wanted out of it. But because I was not as good about putting the photo on flickr, I am a bit sad now, as I am missing almost 100 days there and it is fun to look at them in a grid format. But most of them are all blogged, some on my old blog and some of them are here under the week ending tab. 

What will 2015 hold?? Who knows... But I do know I will be doing another 365 because I can't imagine not coming here every night to write about my day and choosing my photo. It has become such a meaningful and important part of my day.  I toyed with all kinds of  ideas; thinking about getting a little Polaroid camera and doing a mole skin journal, which would be lovely because it would be tangible.  I thought about picking one subject and sticking with it all year.  But in the end decided  it will stay pretty much as it is, and it will live right here under the week ending tab because it works.  And at the end of each week, I really like hitting that publish button, knowing it will be here later for me to revisit.

what about you?
are you doing a 365? 
Happy New Year, 
ring it in safely, with those you love
and be joyful, 
xooox 

 

NOURISH

Within us - the heart of us, really - is a 'ground' that is to our thoughts and feelings, our relationships with others and ourselves, as is the Earth to the leaves that first race across her and then, no longer able to run, give themselves up to nourish her body so that she may give birth again come the spring. 

~ Guy Finley 

we all come together for 48 hours
for better or worse
nine of us and four dogs
we all claim our place in the order
and i work hard at giving up control
but the host in me steps on toes 
i know. . . 
but hey, i am the mother and i am trying
we laugh and drink beer brewed with strong coffee
(which is really good) and sparkling cider, wine
and a new cocktail he creates, 
and we all pitch in to make the perfect dinner
(my favorite part) all of us gathered 
around our family table, 
Christmas plates, candle light, laughter
and wagging dog tails at our feet
and then suddenly it is over
and all that is left are the dirty dishes in the sink
and memories. . . 
and the emotions take hold
and i am suddenly a mess
and i wonder what it is i am missing,
wonder what it is i am mourning 
when all i see around me is a growing, happy and healthy family
and i honestly feel so blessed and loved . .  
i fight it all day and then finally go to bed with a book,
"to read" i say. . . 
and there i cry a bit, and think and pray 
and slowly i can feel the calm come over me as i start to understand 
it is the accumulation of all the Christmases past, 60 of them. . .
and i mourn them a bit, giving them the time they so deserve
the tears stop flowing and i roll over and give thanks that my life is so full 
and show gratitude, that for whatever reason, i feel all this love so deeply
and i decide right then and there i will try not to fight it so hard, or view it as a flaw
but rather nourish it, feed it with all my whole heart 
and watch it bloom,
understanding that there will be times
i will be a mess, all covered in dirt, and full of love
:::


nourish, 
that is my word for 2015

 

i hope your Christmas was magical, 
xooox 


COMPENSATED

“I woke to the sound of rain.”  ~ Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar 
 

It is not the unyielding rainfall, 
but rather the constant gray drizzle 
which can pull her into a relentless gloom.
She teases herself with memories of 
lingering bygone days of summers past;
the sent of roses and lavender filling the air around her.
When this happens she reminds herself
that every season merits a place in her heart,
every season has a purpose, a place in the order 
significance and beauty.
It is her job to notice. 
Her job to find beauty in the tiniest details. 
It is only when she is conscious of this
that she is reward, compensated
and content. 
She understands then, that no day should be wished away,
no moment pushed aside or ignored.
But, rather gathered up in her arms to be held deep inside her very being. 

:::


isn't life grand.... xooox