days 245 ~ 247
i promise myself that i will do my best to pay attention and absorb every moments, there are fancy drinks and mussels, bar burgers and fries. later i watch Brandon trim up a 17lb brisket and find him manning the smoker, up since 2 am, when Basil and i head out for our morning walk. their new home is full of friends and family, the fisherman in one corner telling fish stories and the rest of us laughing and talking about the heat. we are all hot and tired but stay up way too late and sleep is hard to settle in. Basil and i wake and walk early in the coolness of the morning and when we head into the house they are rising one by one. we eat leftovers for breakfast and make coffee, and pack up to leave, tired but so happy.
i see how our family dynamics has changed, grown in so many ways and yet we can't deny the emptiness we feel at times. we talk about it some, each of us moving through it in our own way. i tell him on the way home that my heart is so full and i feel so blessed in so many ways and i feel full and at ease up there. i am working on this i think, and looking for a home for us up North.