monday || joy

day 205 

“What if you suddenly saw through all your fear and ignorance, your restless craziness, and realized that you already possess what you are looking for because you already are everything you are looking for?” 
― Karen Maezen Miller, Paradise in Plain Sight: Lessons from a Zen Garden

things that bring me joy

quiet time to myself in the morning, meditating outside on the deck, bodies of water, gardening, apricot sunsets, asking for what i need and being heard and, on the flip side, listening wholeheartedly, making plans for a trip, secondhand book stores, kisses from the dog, good aged cheese, the first day of any vacation, seeing the same old things from a different point of view, watching my sons fly fish, the sound of sprinklers, a gentle breeze on a hot day and the ability to make changes. 

sunday || what day is it?

day 204

There are days where I lose track of time, of place, of everything else, because I've been transported to another universe.
~ Susan Isaacs

I ask, What day is it?
The 23rd, he says.
No, I mean what day of the week? 

It will only get worse. . .  

The false sunflower are blooming! 

saturday || feeding my passion

day 203 

“Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

i put things into my shopping cart, both physically
and online, only to take them out again, or sit on them
for a very long time, until i lose interest
i am usually not one to be one the first to jump on something new,
wanting to wait to see if it is really worth the money.
but this time, i didn't wait. i hit the purchase button only after a few hours,
and when it arrived last night (when i was expecting it monday), 
 i was almost afraid of it. but today we spent tons of time together

and i am in love. . . 


friday || gratitudes

day 202 

And then the question is, what is the “we,” because the boundaries of what is “we “are shifting.
~ Amichai Lau-Lavie 

a slow morning, a podcast that really makes me think, a fresh new haircut, veterinarians who get down on the floor and kiss the pets they are taking care of, a clean bill of health for our pup, dry soda on a hot day, my purple keens, laughter and serious conversations, listening and feeling love replacing frustration, blue sky and cool nights. . .  

thursday || surgery

day 201

Ticks are small arachnids, part of the order Parasitiformes. Along with mites, they constitute the subclass Acari. Ticks are ectoparasites, living by feeding on the blood of mammals, birds, and sometimes reptiles and amphibians.

i noticed it a few days ago and really thought it was a skin tag
but today i could see it had grown so big and was horrible looking
i called the vet and he has an appointment tomorrow, 
but the idea of that thing sucking his blood for another 24 hours
was driving me nuts. so we goggled safe tick removal and he found a very effective
solution. with a q-tip rub the tick with peppermint essential oil
and the tick (because they don't like peppermint) will back out
and it did! he will still see the vet tomorrow, but thankfully
he seems just fine! 


wednesday || vision

day 200

We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision.
~ Khalil Gibran

i try not to jump to conclusions
or confuse myself with possibilities
that are not based on fact. . .  
but when our hearts are part of the equation
that is not always possible
and my mind runs amuck
sometimes things are most beautiful
when we can't quite see the whole picture
and i we are forced to use the vision deep inside of us
that vision, called love

tuesday || day 199

We think that accomplishing things will complete us, when it is experiencing life that will.
~ Mark Nepo

i pick the raspberries and water the vegetables
in the cool of the morning, still in my pj's
i have eggs for breakfast and a bowl full
of ripe, red berries, with a bit of vanilla balsamic
i dress and head to a close by lake with the dog
we sit on a blanket and watch families swimming, 
a birthday celebration and kids on paddle boards
we both wade a bit, share an apple and
watch the leaves overhead play in the light

come evening i make an olive oil almond cake
with raspberries, writing this as it cools
I go where i shouldn't and . . . 
it takes my breath away


monday || the stick

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.” 
― Mary Anne Radmacher

i move through the day with some doubt, but allow myself to just sit
with the feeling until it softens. i finish this and want everyone to read it now. 
i make chicken tacos for dinner and later, as the golden hour starts, i give him his stick
and sit with him in the grass, supervising so he does not choke. I wonder
what it is about this stick that he loves so. but also think who am i to question? 
both of us happy in this golden moment, him with his stick and me with my camera. 

saturday || gratitudes

day 196 

an early morning conversation with Judy over my morning latte, a quick visit from Brandon who is on his way up camping, a lovely housewarming for Tiffany and Gavin, their new home full to the brim with children and close friends, laughter and one sweet pup, catching up with old and dear friends and getting the three of them to pose for me on the deck. . . 

friday || ripples

day 195 

i call them triggers, but really they are emotional ripples
which bring back old and painful feelings. 
i have learned if i sit with them long enough
the agitation will start to settle a bit and calm will follow
helping me to see and feel things more clearly. 

we pick more raspberries today and have potatoes
from the garden for dinner. he works hard on
the garage, sorting though 32 years of "stuff" 
he does not want my help, and really, 
that is probably for the best! 

thursday || release

day 194 

there are days when i see so clearly how to make my life
better, more fulfilling and richer
it almost always has to do with releasing judgement
and the hold past pain has on me
today i stayed in the moment
lived with my breath and paid attention
it really is amazing how it turns things around


tuesday || mindset

day 192 

triggers feel like caustic splinters that lodge deep within my existence
they take up residence where they languish and fester and waste my time
i decide to approach the day a bit different and this is what i notice

the two butterflies who dance through the flowers as i drink my morning coffee
the way the dog tilts his head to the left when he is asking something of me
the smell tomatoes plants emit when you brush against them in the garden
how sweet the first potatoes of the season taste, dug, rubbed clean and gently cooked
how the hummingbirds have taken to the nasturtiums on the deck
the smell of fresh picked savory, as i add it to the potatoes


monday || shutting the blinds

day 191 

i hit publish on my blog post and walk away,  
but the words sit with me all day long,
those and others, both thought and spoken, during the day.
i go to bed early, shutting the blinds again the day and
the light of the evening.
unable to come here to write about my day,
i choose sleep instead. 

it is time for some changes . . .  

sunday || at its best

day 190 

i wake way too early but enjoy pondering the possibilities
of the day and what it might become. the dog gets up with me
but heads back to bed after breakfast. i run errands early, before
they are even up. when i am back, i suggest a quick trip to the river,
where the air is cool and the water is cold. the dog finds a stick
and just won't let it go so Gary throws it over and over for him,
until he is tired and happy. we bring the stick home with us. we sit on
the deck for most of the afternoon and i read while he looks up dead people.
later there is salmon on the grill and a salad made with fresh picked snow peas
and pickled cherries. . .  a summer sunday at its best. 

saturday || sweet pea

day 189 

I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days and thunderstorms. And coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. But most of all I like the small joys that a simple life brings. - Unknown

because they remind me of Dad. . . 

friday || bath time

day 188 

the dog and i walk early, chasing our shadows and scaring the frogs
he loads up old blue with prunings from the yard
and heads to the dump, while i clean the house
i find the dog all curled up on the bed and my heart melts
his tail wags and as i lay beside him for a few minutes and listen to the birds
later i see he is taking an afternoon bath and i can't resist his sweetness

thursday || the golden hour

day 187
“You can't protect other people, however hard you try.” 
― Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

i row almost 9,000 meters today, i sweat and laugh
and fill gratitude for the others around me in their "boats". 
the weather is just about perfect and the dog and i water
and water. i pick more peas and leave a pile of strawberries for
him to find in the grass, which he does and i watch him eat them
from the deck, feeling like we shared a secret. i gently poke around
the potatoes, feeling for the tiny new ones, not quite yet, i think. 
we talk about plans for a trip in the fall over lunch and i start a new book. 


wednesday || birthday boy

today he is ten. . . 

he was a bit hungover from the 4th of July drugs
it is totally unfair his day follows, what to him,
is the worse day of the year. . . 

but we celebrated with extra treats, 
an afternoon nap for both of us, 
sunbathing on the deck, time in the yard
and a bit of ice cream. . . 

he brings us such joy! happy birthday sweet boy! 

Because of the dog’s joyfulness, our own is increased. It is no small gift. It is not the least reason why we should honor as well as love the dog of our own life, and the dog down the street, and all the dogs not yet born. What would the world be like without music or rivers or the green and tender grass? What would this world be like without dogs? ~ Mary Oliver

tuesday || july 4th

day 185 

come late afternoon i have to drug the dog, his eyes droop
and he sleeps curled up beside me, unsettled but okay
he eats, but won't go out to pee. 

it goes on and on and on. . .