wednesday || week 44

day 307
i crumble today, heading head first down a big black hole. 
i block everyone out but the dog, and retreat to safety. 
i allow myself to feel, and let my emotions flow;  i write
and i cry.  i see how miscommunications can so easily
lead to misunderstandings. i don't lay blame, but rather acknowledge
the raw feelings and why they are there. 
i use tools, that i have learned from wise teachers and pull from
past experiences.hoping to find release and light. 
slowly the pain eases and some possibilities arise. 
i understand i can change my mind tomorrow, but for right now
it seems right. 
i am grateful for noticing, grateful for moving through the pain
and into the light. grateful i did not hit force quit like i use to. 
grateful for the beauty i find every day in this life. 

tiny things i noticed. . . 
a one lone rose in the yard, how good it feels to wrap my hand around a warm cup of tea, juice from my apple dripping down my hand, the smell of root vegetables braising, packing for a gathering, how good the dog is at licking away tears and how beautiful the fog was laying over the river this afternoon.