today i estimated and wondered:
how many times i have stood at our kitchen sink and cleaned up the dishes,
and how the feeling is still the same, when i turn off the kitchen light and walk out.
the amount of children who have come into my life, starting with all those precious
faces in Holly Park, and how their smiles filled my heart and how much they taught me.
how many walks the dog and i have taken over the years and why I stopped taking
daily photos of my feet with his sweet face looking up at me.
the number of spring times that i have worked my butt off to bring this yard of ours back to life
and how today i wish i could get out from underneath part of it.
the amount of times and ways my heart has been broken, fractured, shattered and crippled
and how i marvel at myself with the strength i muster up to go on and still be amazed
and so very grateful. . .
"When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world."
— Mary Oliver
i must get busy. . .