time well spent

“What you produce is not necessarily always sacred, I realized, just because you think it’s sacred. What is sacred is the time that you spend working on the project, and what that time does to expand your imagination, and what that expanded imagination does to transform your life.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

I spent a few hours one morning culling photos from the past few months. Some I moved to the cloud for safe keeping, others I moved to an external hard drive, in kin to the boxes under my bed which contain thousands of snapshots from when I shot film. What surprised me however was how many I just deleted.

I found a sort of desperation in so many of them, as if I was searching for anything to turn my camera on, pursuing anything that I thought might move me. It made me sad at first, so sad I considered keeping some of them and putting them into a book and calling it In Desperation, or maybe Agony, or better yet - What Was She Thinking. But the more I have thought about it over the past few days, I can see these past few months for what they were, damn hard. I am thankful I had the intuitiveness to keep at it, to spend my time searching for anything that might ease some of the aguish I was feeling. As I said a few post back, I wake now with a sense of purpose and anticipation and a better understanding of how to move forward in my life.


“Whatever you do, try not to dwell too long on your failures. You don’t need to conduct autopsies on your disasters.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear


this was June

The garden slowly comes alive in June. I thin the carrots and we eat greens and lettuce thinnings for dinner. Percy picks his first strawberries and loves playing outside. Our walks each Tuesday are the saving grace to my week lately - hunting down the garbage trucks and looking for cats help keep my mind off the news. There is a calmness found among the alleys and sidewalks we venture through, watching life move forward as people work in the their yards, walk their dogs, and smile at us, saying “hi” as we pass by.

It all helps give me hope.



“Look, I want to love this
world as though it's the
last chance I'm ever
going to get
to be alive
and know it.”

― Mary Oliver

fun with diptychs

“The absence of limitations is the enemy of art.”
― Orson Welles

I have had lots of fun creating diptychs over the past ten days or so. Limiting myself to photos that try to tell a narrative story, I have found a myself looking more closely at color pallets, and how I might capture a particular subject. I have discovered tiny details that I might have overlooked before and had fun staging some.

I limited myself to one lens, my 50mm, and shot them all in color.

Like I said in a few post back, I made a list. . .

permission

“Kids are hard -they drive you crazy and break your heart - whereas grandchildren make you feel great about life, and yourself, and your ability to love someone unconditionally, finally, after all these years.”
― Anne Lamott

He suddenly seems so big. Talking in full sentences, having strong opinions, and full of questions. He places every kiss I give him in his pocket to save for later, just in case, and wraps his arms around my neck for a hug, when I least expect it.

We walk his neighborhood, following the garbage and recycling trucks, looking for cats, each of us pointing out things of interest. We arrive back at his house, our senses awakened. I find myself overwhelmed with love, hope and beauty. I fix him a snack and read to him while he eats. When he is done he hops down off the couch to play with his dinosaurs, making up stories as he plays. I sit and watch, not wanting to interrupt his narrative but also not wanting to miss a thing.

Time is fleeting and I find myself in a period of growth, mentally and physically. I feel a centering I have not felt in ages, and wake each morning with purpose and anticipation. Maybe it is the weather, or maybe I am finally looking at myself with more self compassion, recognizing this period of my life is truly the time for giving myself permission to slow down and allow myself to do what brings me joy. I am wise enough to know my moods can change on a whim, but this does seem to feel a bit different.

“But here was the world, screeching its beauty at her day after day, and she felt grateful for it.”
― Elizabeth Strout, Olive, Again

the purple velociraptor

They're lethal at eight months, and I do mean lethal. I've hunted most things that can hunt you, but the way these things move...
- Robert Muldoon (game warden) talking about the velociraptors in Jurassic Park

This one spotted on a walk a few days ago with Percy. He has one just like this one at home.
His name is Vinny . . .

poppies

The poppies hung dew-dabbled on their stalks.

- John Keats

I have been waiting for their blooms, their buds split and teasing.
I noticed them as I made my morning latte and picked my mug accordingly.

cherry season

“When I sound the fairy call, gather here in silent meeting,

Chin to knee on the orchard wall, cooled with dew and cherries eating.

Merry, merry, take a cherry, mine are sounder, mine are rounder,

Mine are sweeter for the eater, when the dews fall, and you'll be fairies all.”

― Emily Dickinson

The first batch of the season, bought from a nice man in a van at one of the local breweries.
$9 a pound and worth every penny.