things we did together on friday night

painted the trim in the bathroom
ate dinner; pasta, green beans from the garden, and homemade sourdough bread
took the dog to the dog park
stopped for espresso milk shakes (i got decaf)

things i am currently obsessed about

finding the perfect home for this next chapter of our lives
making everything perfect so our home looks inviting to buy
ways to use all that kale in our garden
perfecting the perfect loaf of sourdough for toast
peaches, and all the different ways i might eat them

things i love about Jordan

has a contagious smile
gives the best hugs
is serious about his beard
understands how and why things work, and consequently can fix almost anything
is kind and thoughtful
always has a book going
laughs with his whole body
loves dogs
calls me “Ma”
shares funny dog videos with me
when he finds something he is passionate about he dives in deep
likes to talk sourdough with me, and taught me how to figure out hydration
is a good husband, and will make a great father
cares about equality and treating people fairly
is a hard worker and a good manager
thinks about the environment when living his life
brought a beautiful woman into our fold

(happy 34th birthday Jordan, you make me proud to be your Ma, and i love you beyond words!)

things i am tired of doing

cleaning bathrooms
cooking when i don’t want to
listening to politicians
packing and sorting stuff i don’t see any use for and just want to throw away
looking for a new home
looking at the boats and the cars in our driveway that we don’t need or use
reminding the other adults in this house that we are trying to sell it

on my birthday

Jordan made me sourdough pancakes for breakfast
we met up with Brandon and toured Skagit Valley Malting
(which was fascinating)
then we toured the WSU bread lab
(which was so interesting)
we saw wheat berries from the 1500’s
and beautiful stone mills
i came home with a gift of several different whole grain flours and grain
one of them called Salish Blue
there were beers after for the boys, Orange Crush for Katie, and water for me
(as i had to drive home)
there were heart rocks and a beautiful flower book waiting for me there
a gift from my oldest . . .
there were dog kisses from Baker, and him
i felt loved and spoiled

hello 65

things i want to remember about my life before turning 65

i can grow my own food, fill every vase in the house with flowers, swim forever, bake bread, make a meal out of just about anything, teach someone to read, hold a tune, row for an hour, get three boys fed and out the door to three different soccer practices without a cell phone, listen, read bedtime stories over and over, cry openly, hug hard, love even harder, laugh at myself, ask important questions, let things go (finally), nurse toddlers, be a good friend, recycle, hike up to Hunt Lake, make pickles, can tomatoes, walk without a limp, fight cancer, lose my hair and find freedom in being bald, love the children who graced my classrooms, cast a fly rod, get in and out of my kayak, meditate, pray, give birth naturally, teach someone to borrow and carry with a pack of skittles, clean a fish, and a crab, start a school, take directions, do Christmas and Halloween, cook for a crowd, throw weddings and birthday parties, show compassion, understand addiction, and homelessness without judgement, take pain, both physically and emotionally and come out the other side happy to be alive, speak my mind freely, practice setting boundaries with grace . . .

and finally, take care of me . . .

things i did on this thursday

slept in (thanks Meyer)
saw Brandon at the shop and wished him happy anniversary
texted my daughter-in-law and thanked her for picking my son
sat with Meyer on the deck and read (finished this book)
walked around downtown a bit
treated myself to an afternoon latte in a real cup
made a very simple dinner for one
missed him, and Baker (but not the packing)

things I told myself today

It is not your fault .
you handled that well
it will be okay
Meyer dog will be happy to see you
good thing you brought your laptop

what we ate out of the garden today

raspberries, for breakfast, which i stood among the rows just picking and eating
zucchini, for lunch raw with hummus
green beans and potatoes in a soup with smoked salmon and corn from Foley’s
but not the first tomato,
that i am saving for tomorrow’s breakfast

five things that are always in my fridge

plain greek yogurt
fruit of some kind
things to use to make a salad
capers
almond butter

the weekend

a beautiful wedding
children playing and eating gelato cones
old friendships and how they pick up right where you left off
good dog-sitters
Sunday morning in the vegetable garden
three vases full of asters
pasta salad and homemade hummus for dinner
a glorious sunset at the dog park
a tired pup, who played his heart out with new friends

today's frustrations

the humidity
spending too much time in the car
a dead battery (that needed to be replaced!)
Baker getting into everything
the garage, which is still a mess
weeds, torn gloves, and really just needing a break

things i hope to do in august

go swimming
eat green beans and zucchini out of the garden
turn 65
celebrate Jordan’s 34th birthday
go to a wedding
ride a ferry
pick the first dahlia
go see my friends East of the mountains
pack the final box
sell our home
eat tomatoes on sourdough toast for breakfast
relax, sleep in, read
take the kayaks out
go on a date with him
dog sit Meyer
find a new home
eat peaches

things i want to remember about july

finally getting serious about moving
a great raspberry season
her wedding, and spending an evening with dear friends
hearing my father’s voice,
and seeing my mother’s handwriting
the birth of a baby girl
bread talk with Jordan
sweet photos from Katie
garden talk with Brandon
his ability to calm me down with i am freaking out
the neighbor children behind us playing and laughing in their yard
baking bread
Lily’s passing (she was such a wise pup)
rowing class
Baker running through the sprinkler
reading this because it is a summer tradition
and this, and this
morning lattes on the futon outside
deer, even though they are still eating my roses
the bear in the neighborhood
cherry season, new potatoes, fresh corn, and tomatoes (poetry)
dog sitting Meyer
grilled steaks with Brandon and Courtney , and Jordan’s bread
milkshakes after the dog park: coffee for me, banana-rootbear for him
seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
being curious and open to what might happen next

things i can controle

how i react to other peoples words and actions
how many times i smile in any give day
how deeply i listen during a conversation
how kind i am to others and myself
my level of honesty
my attitude and my thoughts
what i eat, and today i ate the first peach of the season

things that delighted me today

waking after a really good nights sleep
laughing with him about the silly things we want to keep
the perfect birthday gift planned out, from one of my sons
asking the children next door to come over and pick raspberries
and, their mom and dad letting them come
the evening yard full of children’s voices and laughter, a happy dog,
and this beautiful light