time to change

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change
- Train ~ Drops of Jupiter

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It has been a crazy few days, nothing too serious unless you are me. Let’s just say technology will be the end of me if I don’t simplify things. Somehow life today is harder than it was when I was a young mother with three busy boys at home, and a husband who traveled. So I start a list of things that eat up time and cause me anxiety and start crossing out those things which I can let go.

I already feel lighter.

a new autumn

“Autumn leaves don’t fall, they fly. They take their time and wander on this their only chance to soar.”

- Delia Owens, Where the Crawdads Sing

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It is hard to find leaves that have actually turned on the trees from autumn weather. So many are dead and dried up, falling to the ground brown and cracked. We, the evergreen state, have not had any measurable rain since July 1st. We try to do our part, but I see now that it is not enough, we all have to do more.

gifts

I wake each morning and turn the little gas stove on to take the chill off the house.

We take Percy to feed the ducks at the park one day. When the container is empty, he sits on the bench eating his snack, watching the ducks peck at the cracked corn he has tossed at his feet.

WE leave town for the day and go visit our oldest son, who we have not seen in a couple years. I come home with a huge part of my heart healed, full of love and understanding.

WE clean up the yard, cut back perennials, clean out the veggies (all but the beets), and put most of the lawn furniture away.

I have had some wonderful ah-ha moments within my life as this beautiful fall season has emerged. It almost feels like a second coming of age act.

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“One of those things about getting older was knowing that so many moments weren’t just moments, they were gifts.”

― Elizabeth Strout, Olive Kitteridge

dog love

Before the calm that comes at the end of most days, there is a bit of playtime for Baker. Sometimes he plays with Penny, the beagle next door. Sometimes he is content to sit on the lawn with a special chew toy. And some nights he is stuck with me. I am not as fun as the kids next door, or as tasty as his chew toys, but I do my best by throwing the ball or frisbee, or playing tug.

On this particular night however, I could not focus on anything but the sky and finally dropped his ball and grabbed my camera. I stood on our deck mesmerized, and watched this beautiful sunset unfold. And to my surprise he sat right there with me, waiting patiently for me to get done, just like he knew something beautiful was happening.

“What would the world be like without music or rivers or the green and tender grass? What would this world be like without dogs?”

― Mary Oliver, Dog Songs

priming the heart

“I learned...that inspiration does not come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic striving, but it comes into us slowly and quietly and all the time,
though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness.”

― Brenda Ueland

I stand and watch the light as it comes through the red maple outside our bedroom window, debating whether or not if I should grab my camera. I have taken a few hundred photos of light streaming through this tree in the three years we have lived here, and I have to ask myself if I really need another one.

I can’t let the light go however, and come back with my camera only to find I am too late and the light is gone. Over the next couple of days I study the tree a bit more closely, walking around it, noticing the time of day the light is best, and the details of the tree. I wonder what I might try within my camera to express why I am drawn so to this light. Wanting to get beyond the beauty of what I see and reaching instead for the emotions that rise within me, I attempt a few images over the next few days. But somehow I can’t seem to get it, and am disappointed when I upload the images to my computer.

It is only when I stop trying so hard and let go of the focus some by allowing my camera to move and flow a bit, that my heart begins to race.

what if everyday could be more like thursdays

“When we treat children's play as seriously as it deserves, we are helping them feel the joy that's to be found in the creative spirit. We're helping ourselves stay in touch with that spirit, too. It's the things we play with and the people who help us play that make a great difference in our lives.”

- Fred Rogers

He comes every Thursday to play for the day. A full day to have him all to ourselves. An excuse to play, look for deer, read books, dig in the sandbox, have a tea party, and roll on the floor. Yesterday Grandpa made dinosaurs with him so I could sit and take some photos.

His play is serious work and I am often surprised how both of us (meaning Grandpa and I) get into it. Hours pass with no screens of any kind, or the pull of getting things done around the house. All of that is put on hold, for we both feel this is just what we want to be doing.

What if every day could be a little bit more like Thursdays? Full of discovering and wonder, quiet time and joy. Today time flies by at record speed and often at the end of the day I find myself looking for something worth noting. But I am learning from him to play a bit more, to have fun without worrying what others may think, to rest when I need it, and to always say yes to joy.

heriloom pumpkins

“If, of all the seasons, there is a season in which a person completely forgets himself and constantly watches the magical environment, it is undoubtedly autumn!”

― Mehmet Murat ildan