I sit by the back door, camera in hand, and watch the birds. The sun is out, the sky is blue and I feel myself relax into this time alone, untethered to nothing more than what I see before me. I am, for a few minutes anyway, in my own little world, doing just what I want to do. I am reminded by my friend Donna in this beautiful post, that this is what this season in my life is all about.

I am getting better at waking with the whole day ahead of me and filling it with things I want to do, rather than things I think I need to do, be it for myself or others. I am getting better at asking myself, “How can I . . . ?” instead of “Can I …?” I am getting better at giving myself time to just be, allowing some room to consider what might be.

I was pleased with this little series I captured one morning of this black-eyed junco. It is almost as if she was telling me something. She landed, considered her options. and then turned her back on me and flew off. She had other things planned for her day, and I appreciated that.

A dog comes to you and lives with you in your own house, but you do not therefore own her, as you do not own the rain, or the trees, or the laws which pertain to them ... A dog can never tell you what she knows from the smells of the world, but you know, watching her, that you know almost nothing. . .
-Mary Oliver

Each week I take a photo of Baker and post it in a group on flicker. The group is full of like-minded dog lovers who like to take photographs of their pups. I almost always wait until the last minute to take the photo (it has to be posted by the end of Sunday each week), but Baker is always willing to pose, especially if there are treats involved. Baker is a fun subject to photography. He has tons of personality, and I try to bring that out when I photograph him, but I often get hung up on his eyes, his sweet face, and his heart shaped nose. This is week 1-9.

Here are some facts about Baker::
he is a 15 inch tri-colored beagle
he is four years old
he is our second beagle, our first one we acquired via one of our sons, when he took a job out of the country
he is named after Mount Baker, which is a beautiful mountain in our neck of the woods
he is scent driven, making it hard to let him run free
he sleeps with us, yes, sometimes under the covers
he is very stubborn, but also gut-guided so we always have a treat on hand
he can be a bit emotional, pout if the house is full of people or other dogs
he can be fast asleep in the other part of the house and hear the cheese being unwrapped in the kitchen

Baby Baker


In my life I have taken hundreds of photos of tulips. Here are two more.
The hardest part is deciding on a color. Yesterday, I chose yellow.

As human beings, we, by the definition of our very natures, can never be perfect. This means that as long as we are alive and kicking, we can be improving ourselves. No matter our age, if we always have a project to which we can apply ourselves, then we will wake up every day with an objective, something productive to get done. This allows us to go to bed at night in the peaceful knowledge that we have done some good, gained some achievement, however small.”
- Nick Offerman

“Though it was the end of February, the day was a lazy sort of cold. The sun slipped through the cloud in bursts, reminding the landscape that it was still there, prodding snow piles to relax into puddles and stirring sleeping seeds under the ground.” 

― Erika Robuck, Call Me Zelda

There were times in February that I wanted to just stick my head into something other than daily life to find something that moved me. Snow fell, the wind blew and the rain pelted us, many times all in the course of one hour. Even the dog got a bit bored. I read my way though the Bear Town series, watched Elvis, and fed my sourdough starter, although have yet to bake anything. February brought some normalcy back into life, gatherings with friends and family, eating out, and braving the store without a mask, which all felt pretty good. There were days spent with Percy, trips to the library, Valentine baking and lots of imaginary play. We said goodby to a dear friend, crying and laughing over lost memories, but coming out the other side with a deeper understanding of what is important in life.

Today I wake and it is March. I sit and watch the birds flirting at the feeder, and know beneath the sprinkle of snow and frost, the garden is coming to life. Deep within me I can feel the season start to shift, and with that shift comes enlightenment and anticipation.

I go to great pains to find the best yogurt and granola.
-Ezra Koenig

I watch as he lifts his nose to the cold air outside and sniffs. Once satisfied with what he senses, he steps out and makes his early morning rounds. Inside I make my breakfast.

I always let him lick the bowl.

“If a day goes by without my doing something related to photography, it’s as though I’ve neglected something essential to my existence, as though I had forgotten to wake up.”

— Robert Mapplethorpe

This is what we photographers call SOC (straight out of camera). No cropping, or enhancing that big, fat robin who is stopping by to grab a drink. There is no removal of the long green rope hanging down on one of the post of the pergola on our patio, which I find so distracting. There is not much thought given to the winter background behind that robin; patio furniture covered in tarps, the fence, even the cat. I was only interested in the robin.

It is because of all this that I leave this photo as is. It was taken on the fly, underexposed, and the robin is not sharp. (Although isn’t that light on him lovely?) I could have cropped it some, to get a closer look at him, sharpened him up a bit maybe. But then there would be no cat smiling among the new growth on the lavender.

I decide to go with it - SOC. To find the beauty among the mess. And truly, isn’t that what we live for? Moments of beauty and how they evoke in us unexpected emotions that move us. That feeling of deep love we carry around within our being. That love we have no control over, causing us to ride this roller coaster of life with all its baggage and heartache, without much protection. We live among the mess, the unfocused, and what lies behind the scene. For the most part, we are unable to crop out what we view as a distraction. Some days we are on an even keel, and at other times, we find ourselves bowled over.

The longer we live, it seems, the more mayhem we collect. Be it the state of the world around us, or something that hits closer to home.

After this one shot, I put my camera down and just I stood and watched the robin as he splashed and drank from the birdbath. A second robin joined him for a few seconds, and for a fleeting moment I mourned the photo that might have been. Until I remembered how beautiful this one, big, fat robin was, as the sunlight bounced off the hills across the lake. He brought me some much needed beauty and joy for a few minutes, at the end of a hard day. And while the settings of my camera were not perfect, the image reminds me how important it is for me to pick my camera up every day. For there is always something worth noticing in that pause between looking through the viewfinder, and hitting the shutter.

"Look, we are not unspectacular things. We’ve come this far, survived this much. What would happen if we decided to survive more? To love harder?”

— Ada Limón

 

This is the gift of living well into my 60’s. For today, I still have time. Time to give that young woman a chance to do some of those things she imagined. A chance to listen to her heart, placing her wants and needs up there with the people she loves.

Today I allow all that love along with those emotions, to live where they want. On the outside, loudly if need be to get my point across, or quietly, close to my heart.

Yes, we are all survivors and lovers… Let’s do both with gusto.

“…as I’ve aged, I have more time for tenderness, for the poems that are so earnest they melt your spine a little. I have decided that I’m here in this world to be moved by love and [to] let myself be moved by beauty.” - Ada Limón


our 24th poet laureate in an interview with Krista Tippett

When I came face to face with all the silence and aloneness of the pandemic, I found myself thinking a lot about my life choices and the paths I took. The older me spent time getting to know the younger me more throughly, often coming face to face with a clearer picture than I was able to see back then.

Old stories that have played in my head for years started shifting, and suddenly the main character (me) begin seeing the scenes differently. A new take on the characters, the actions, the arena, and the carry over. I saw there where times when I took paths that I really didn’t want to take, but did so to fit in or please someone else, because it was easier.

It was exhausting for a while; every single thought and emotion analyzed and critiqued, all while navigating life, along with the rest of the world, through uncharted territory. I see now what a mess I was.