saying goodbye

“Many of us have made our world so familiar that we do not see it anymore. An interesting question to ask yourself at night is, What did I really see this day?”

John O' Donahue - Anam Cara

As someone who remembers life before home computers, three channels to choose something to watch on TV, and telephones connected to walls with a cord, a few months ago I found myself yearning for a simpler life. I wanted more, or maybe what I wanted was less. I was overwhelmed with options and confused at times. I could not narrow down what book to read next, started to question the laundry soap I was using and even went so far as researching what kind of pin I wanted to order to use in a new journal.

If I wanted to make cookies I would spend hours looking for just the right recipe on all my favorite cooking sites, when I had several ear-marked in the cookbooks on my shelfs. I stopped trusting myself, looking crazy things up like how to grow potatoes, when I have gardened almost all my life and grown potatoes for years. But it was when I started loosing interest in the overwhelming amount of photos I saw online that I knew I had to make some changes. I asked myself when was the last time I truly studied a photo on Flickr or even Instagram? When was the last time I tried to connect with the photographer beyond hitting that like button.

I knew I had to make some changes. So slowly I started backing away. I unsubscribed to tons of emails. Wiped out most of my bookmarks on my computer and started fresh. I cleaned out my follow streams and cut way back on my time online. I also took breaks from this space and the time I commented to it.

I found myself with some free time on my hands. I had to learn to use that time differently, and it was hard at first. I had to trust my gut more, and leave all the influencers behind so I could learn again how to make up my own mind. But, I found I was sleeping better and learning to let go of some of the control I felt I always had to have. I was less stressed and didn’t feel nearly as overwhelmed or frustrated and I started to trust myself more. Life seemed simpler.

I have decided that this will be my last post, for I feel I am ready to simplify my life even more by letting this space go.

I want to thank all of you who have followed along with me over the years. It has been a privilege to share part of my life with all of you. I know I will feel a bit lost for a while, but I also know this space has run its course.

Have a beautiful holiday season,
xoxo, Cathy

unconventional beauty

It's the things that aren't accepted as conventionally beautiful that I find more attractive. 

-Marc Jacobs

I find beauty in the fading of the landscape surrounding me as it slips away.
The last rose puts on an unexpected show as the frost melts on her petals,
as the delicate textures of the butterfly bush revels nuances I might not have noticed while in full bloom.
These subtle delicacies remind me to slow down and pay attention over and over again.

a path of renewal

““You can measure your worth by your dedication to your path, not by your successes or failures.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

I write here often about balance and abundance, about grief and joy, and the importance of slowing down. I write about how I try and listen to my emotions and my physical body and how I remind myself daily to take time to pause and pay homage and marvel at the world around me. I often do this with my camera.

It has dawned on me, just in the past few weeks, that when I started down this path of reawakening some 25 years ago (due to so many things out of my control) I expected to come out the other side cured, wiser, a bit daring, and self-assured. And I am not saying those things don’t happen occasionally, but for the most part I fight to stay on this healing path of renewal. It is not easy. It is not straightforward, nor is it effortless.

But, it is worth it.

“Anyhow, what else are you going to do with your time here on earth—not make things? Not do interesting stuff? Not follow your love and your curiosity?”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

this place, this hour

“Happiness, not in another place but this place...not for another hour, but this hour.”

― Walt Whitman

I pause throughout the days to notice autumn in all her beauty. I have afternoon coffee and savor the last cherry tomatoes from our CSA box. I sit on the floor for hours and act out Redwall with Percy, his stuffed animals taking on the roles of the characters within the chapters of the book. I sit across from him as we eat our lunch, and swap ideas about what we might do after we are done. I head to the lake in the early morning, twice in one week, to take in the dogs playing, and the moody atmosphere on the lake. I think about happiness, joy, grief, and regret, understanding how each play a part in this life of mine. But, I also comprehend clearly how I don’t have to reach far for abundance. For the bounty of a rich life is right here in this place and within this hour.

good company

“Keep good company, read good books, love good things and cultivate soul and body as faithfully as you can.”

- Louisa May Alcott 

There is a calmness that is slowly starting to awaken within me as I back away from the overwhelming need to keep busy. This is not an easy task, and there are times throughout the day that I sit idle and stew. But I keep at it, doing my best to fill my life with good company, letting go of outside influences and listening to my own voice.

backlight

“Light makes photography. Embrace light. Admire it. Love it. But above all, know light. Know it for all you are worth, and you will know the key to photography.”
– George Eastman

If someone were to ask me how I decide what to take photos of I would tell them I leave it up to the light - for I am a chaser of light. It is what draws me in as it illuminates what is begging to be studied, captured, and appreciated.

As I sat and watched these birds at our back yard feeder, the afternoon sun provided the best backlighting. I am holding on to these beautiful sunlit days as I know the rain is on its way.

awareness

“Look deep into nature and then you will understand everything better.”

— Albert Einstein

I can’t decide what I love more, the moodiness of a much needed rainy day, or the shadows and light of a day full of autumn crispness, sunshine and blue sky. Both are beautiful and worth noticing. Lately I have been out with my camera most days, trying to capture it all.